2: The Pressure of Feeling “Behind” in Your 20s

There’s an unspoken pressure that creeps in the moment you turn twenty. As a teenager, your twenties seem exciting: an entire decade full of milestones like getting married, finding your dream job, and maybe even having kids. It feels like the most thrilling adventure waiting just around the corner.

But what happens when those plans don’t unfold the way you expected? Society tells us we should be at a certain “destination” by a certain age, and when you’re not, it can feel like you’re standing still while everyone else is moving forward. I feel that too. Thank goodness you’re here to walk through it with me. Let’s dive in together.

The Weight of Comparison

College, career, marriage, house, kids. This is the checklist society subtly pressures us to follow. And every day, especially on social media, we’re flooded with news that seems to remind us of it: “She said yes!” “We just got the keys to our first house!” “We’re expecting!” If that isn’t enough, families often add to the pressure with the dreaded question: “So what’s next?”

The weight of these expectations can feel so heavy. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of telling yourself you’re not working hard enough or that you’re doing something wrong, and that’s why you’re “stuck” where you are. Overthinking every decision becomes second nature, fueled by the fear that one wrong move could set you back even further. It’s a scary, helpless feeling that’s hard to explain, but so many of us know it all too well.

Redefining the Timeline

This time last year, I thought I had everything planned out, but life had other plans. At the beginning of the year, I had a full time job lined up that quickly fell through, and I ended up moving back in with my parents after a breakup. Accepting all of that has been one of the hardest things I’ve faced. I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be, but I haven’t given up hope, and neither should you.

I’ve learned how valuable this season of patience can be. Moving back home gave me space to reset my priorities. Instead of obsessing over deadlines, I’ve shifted my focus to growth. I’ve reconnected deeply with my family and friends, a part of myself I felt slipping away. I’ve rediscovered old passions, reading, embroidery, pouring deep into my faith, and I’ve embraced new ones (I may or may not have fallen down the K-Pop rabbit hole. Don’t knock it until you try it!).

Here’s the truth: we’re only twenty. That’s right, only. We have our whole lives to be wives, mothers, and business owners. Realizing that frees us to enjoy who we are right now. The time you might spend with a partner can instead be used to learn a new language, try rollerblading, or chase a dream you never thought you’d have time for. The energy you might give to raising kids can be poured into reconnecting with people you love or simply into taking better care of yourself.

Your twenties aren’t supposed to be about arriving at some finish line. They’re about exploring, discovering, and creating the version of yourself that makes you happiest.

Rewriting the Meaning of Success

So today, I urge you: do something now that no one who got married or had kids at twenty could say they had the chance to do. Remember that your life is not their life. Great things may be happening to other people right now, but take a look around and breathe in all of the great things that are happening to you, too. 

The milestones you long for will come, maybe exactly how you imagined, maybe in a completely different way. Either way, they’ll be worth the wait. Until then, set goals that align with your timeline, not society’s. Step away from the highlight reels, practice gratitude for how far you’ve come, and celebrate the little things. You may just be living a life that someone else would love to have.

In the famous words of the 2006 Disney Channel classic High School Musical: “We’re all in this together.” A silly, honest reminder that you are not alone, and there are so many people who feel like they’re behind too. Wherever you are right now is enough. Keep choosing the small steps that lead you closer to yourself.

Here’s to progress, not perfection.

Jordan