5: The Confidence Gap

When Doubt Hits “Apply” First

There’s a certain moment in every job search when you finally find the one… That job listing on LinkedIn or Indeed that makes your heart race a little faster. It’s the place you’ve been searching for, maybe for weeks, months, even years, and it feels perfect for you. You can picture yourself there, thriving.

You tweak your résumé until every punctuation mark is flawless, write a stellar cover letter, and then, as you hover over the “Apply” button… you freeze.

Suddenly, your mind starts to race:“There’s no way I’ll get this job.”“I don’t have three years of experience.”“Why bother? They’ll find someone who meets every qualification. I’d just be wasting their time.”

Those voices in your head can be harsh, and sometimes, they’re powerful enough to make you believe them. I struggle with this a lot. Even with a four-year degree, I often feel like I’m not qualified enough for the roles I want. Those voices take control, and I end up underselling myself not because I lack skill, but because I lack confidence.

There’s a name for this phenomenon: The Confidence Gap.

What is the Confidence Gap?

The Confidence Gap is simple. It’s the space between your actual abilities and your perception of those abilities. Many of us don’t give ourselves enough credit, and it shows up in the way we network, interview, and pursue creative goals.

Most often, though, it appears in job interviews: the very moment when confidence matters most. Confidence can be the difference between an offer letter and a rejection email. So, what happens when that confidence just isn’t there?

The Art (and Danger) of Toning Yourself Down

Job interviews are a constant balancing act. You want to come across as confident, but not arrogant. You want to show personality, but still seem professional. It feels like walking a tightrope; one wrong word or tone can make you feel like you’ve ruined your chances.

For me, I often worry about being too much. I have a big personality, and I can get along with almost anyone, which is a trait I’m genuinely proud of. But I’ve had interviews where I gave it my all, made the hiring panel laugh, and still got rejected almost immediately afterward. Naturally, my first thought was, “I was too much. Next time, I’ll tone it down.”

That fear of being too much often leads us to downplay our strengths or soften our achievements so we don’t seem self-absorbed. But that constant second-guessing leaves us underselling ourselves.

Imposter syndrome also plays a big role. I’ve often felt that if I got a dream job, it would be because the hiring manager felt sorry for me or simply couldn’t find anyone better. It’s such a defeating mindset.

Then there’s perfectionism. Before I even hit “Apply,” I want everything to be perfect: my résumé, my outfit, even the way I’ll speak in an interview. Every detail has to be flawless before I let myself take the next step.

The truth is, job hunting is a lot of pressure. And according to Elise Boskamp’s article 40 Important Job Interview Statistics, 40% of recruiters won’t hire candidates who aren’t confident in themselves.

But what happens when you’ve been denied or beaten down so many times that your confidence is shattered?

Learning the Hard Way

The Confidence Gap can strike anyone: students, professionals, even people who already have their dream jobs. But for job seekers, it often hits the hardest.

Earlier this year, I was encouraged to apply for a position far outside my comfort zone. It required more experience than I had, but the hiring manager, who also happened to be a close friend, believed I could learn and grow into the role.

My first interview was a phone screening with her, and to put it simply… I bombed it. It was terrible. And the worst part? I knew the person on the other end. She had supervised me during my college internship and worked alongside me after I accepted a position there. I wanted so badly to prove she was right for taking a chance on me.

After spending the afternoon crying in frustration, I called her. I told her how embarrassed I was and how I felt I’d completely let her down. But to my surprise, she was confused.

The role was at an animal shelter (something like a Volunteer Coordinator position) and many of the questions were about volunteer management. I told her I didn’t have any experience in that area, but she quickly reminded me that I actually did.

Back when we worked together, I was in Events, and those events were filled with volunteers that I had directed and supported. She helped me see how my experiences directly applied, even if my job title didn’t say “Volunteer Coordinator.”

She walked me through all the ways I’d undersold myself, and it hit me hard. I realized just how often I do that without even noticing.

Thanks to her encouragement, I made it to the next round of interviews. (In any other situation, I probably wouldn’t have, but thank goodness she believed in me.) I took every bit of her advice into that next interview and left the call so proud of how I’d done.

Although I didn’t get the job in the end, I’m endlessly grateful for the experience. It taught me so much about my own worth and how much I needed someone to remind me of it.

(Shoutout to Julianne. You’re the best of the best.)

Closing the Gap

I know what you’re thinking: “Becoming confident is easier said than done.” And you’re right. When you’ve been rejected so many times, your confidence takes a hit. Mine has too.

But here are a few things that have helped me and might help you, too:

• Make a “Confidence File.” Write down every compliment, success, or piece of positive feedback you’ve received. Look back on it before interviews to remind yourself what you bring to the table.

• Tell your stories. Interviewers love “Tell us about a time when…” questions. Even small, everyday moments can demonstrate your strengths.

• Let go of perfection. You’ll never be 100% ready for anything. Sometimes, the best opportunities come when things feel imperfect. Take the leap anyway.

• Find your people. Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth, lift you up, and help you see what you can’t see in yourself. Have a “brag session” with them, and you’ll be amazed at how much you’ve accomplished when you say it out loud.

Owning What You’ve Earned

If you take one thing from this blog, let it be this: You are capable.

You are so much more than you give yourself credit for, and it’s time to start recognizing it. Confidence doesn’t mean pretending you’re perfect. It means acknowledging that you’re capable of learning, growing, and doing the things that scare you most… even that job you think you’re not qualified for.

And remember: confidence and arrogance are not the same. You can be confident and still be kind, humble, and genuine. In fact, truly confident people often inspire confidence in others.

So go out and be that person. Be confident and help others find their confidence, too.

Here’s to progress, not perfection.

Jordan